Surrogacy and assisted reproductive technology (ART) can be transformative for families, but the emotional journey is often complex and challenging for everyone involved. In episode 4 of The Surrogacy Scoop podcast, host CJ sits down with Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, who specializes in perinatal mental health, infertility, and third-party reproduction.
In this insightful conversation, Rachel shares her expertise on the psychological aspects of surrogacy and ART, offering invaluable advice for intended parents, surrogates, and fertility professionals. With her extensive experience supporting surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents, Rachel’s work highlights the crucial role of emotional support in ensuring a positive surrogacy experience.
From Personal Trainer to Perinatal Mental Health Expert
Rachel’s journey into perinatal mental health began unexpectedly. After starting her career as a personal trainer working with pregnant and postpartum women, she realized that the emotional and psychological challenges of pregnancy and parenthood were often overlooked. This led her to pursue a career in therapy, where she became certified in perinatal mental health and focused her practice on the emotional well-being of those navigating infertility, ART, and surrogacy.
Today, Rachel provides psychological evaluations for surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents, ensuring all parties are mentally and emotionally prepared for the surrogacy journey. She also leads therapy sessions, infertility support groups, and joint meetings between surrogates and intended parents to foster open communication and set clear expectations.
The Emotional Complexity of Surrogacy and ART
Common Psychological Challenges for Surrogates:
Surrogates often face significant emotional and physical challenges throughout their journey. Rachel explains that the emotional toll of the process can be profound, as surrogates navigate the demands of medical procedures, injections, and frequent doctor visits. Many surrogates also develop a deep emotional connection to the baby they carry, even when it is not genetically theirs. This connection can lead to feelings of loss after delivery, and postpartum challenges like baby blues or isolation can further complicate the experience.
To help surrogates manage these emotional hurdles, Rachel emphasizes the importance of thorough preparation, education, and a strong support system throughout the process. She also works closely with surrogates postpartum, ensuring they feel supported as their emotional needs shift after the pregnancy.
Emotional Differences Between Surrogates and Intended Parents:
While surrogates may feel motivated by altruism and excitement to help others build a family, intended parents often face a different emotional journey, marked by fear, anxiety, and cautious hope. Many intended parents have experienced past disappointments, such as failed IVF cycles or miscarriages, and they may struggle with feelings of guilt, fear of failure, or a sense of losing control over the pregnancy. Rachel helps both surrogates and intended parents navigate these contrasting emotional experiences by facilitating joint meetings and providing coping strategies to ease tensions and ensure everyone feels heard and supported.
The Highs and Lows of ART: Coping Strategies for Surrogates and Intended Parents
The emotional rollercoaster of ART procedures—ranging from failed transfers to miscarriages to moments of hope and joy—can be overwhelming for all parties involved. Rachel advises that education and preparation are key to managing the emotional ups and downs. She stresses the importance of setting realistic expectations at the outset of the journey, validating the emotions of both surrogates and intended parents, and offering therapy or support groups to process feelings of grief, guilt, and anxiety during difficult moments.
For surrogates, Rachel emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system and access to therapy, especially when facing setbacks such as failed transfers or medical complications. Joint therapy sessions between surrogates and intended parents help address communication issues and ensure that both parties are supported throughout the entire process.
Lesser-Known Psychological Effects of ART Treatments
One surprising psychological effect of ART treatments that Rachel highlights is the emotional void that intended parents often feel once the surrogate becomes pregnant. While they may have been actively involved in the process up until this point, they may feel disconnected and unsure of how to proceed as the pregnancy moves forward without their direct involvement.
Surrogates, too, may experience unexpected emotional challenges. Rachel explains that surrogates can feel conflicted about their emotional attachment to the baby they’re carrying, even when they strive to maintain emotional detachment. Other challenges can include feelings of guilt or self-blame following failed transfers, miscarriages, or stillbirths—emotions that are often compounded by the lack of control surrogates have over these outcomes.
A Poignant Case Study: Navigating Grief and Healing
Rachel shares a particularly poignant case from her practice—a surrogate who experienced a stillbirth at 18 weeks. Despite having no prior complications, the surrogate sensed something was wrong but was reassured by doctors until the heartbreaking discovery of the baby's lack of heartbeat. Both the surrogate and the intended parents were devastated by the loss, with the surrogate feeling immense guilt and self-blame.
To help both parties navigate their grief, Rachel facilitated a meeting between the surrogate and the intended parents, allowing them to share their emotions and find closure. This session fostered empathy, understanding, and a sense of mutual compassion, ultimately helping everyone involved move forward in a positive and healing direction.
Preparing for the Emotional Journey of Surrogacy and ART
Rachel’s work underscores the importance of preparation, education, and emotional support for everyone involved in surrogacy and ART. While the emotional journey can be challenging, it can also be incredibly rewarding, with most journeys resulting in positive outcomes. Surrogates often feel fulfilled by the opportunity to help create families, and intended parents are able to realize their dreams of parenthood.
By facilitating clear communication, fostering empathy, and providing ongoing support, Rachel helps ensure that the surrogacy process is as emotionally healthy and positive as possible for everyone involved.
If you’re an intended parent, surrogate, or fertility professional, don’t miss this powerful episode of The Surrogacy Scoop with Rachel Goldberg. Listen to the full conversation and gain valuable insights into the psychological aspects of surrogacy, ART, and the importance of mental health throughout the journey.
Stay connected with Patriot Conceptions For more insights, support, and resources on surrogacy and reproductive health, follow Patriot Conceptions and check out more episodes of The Surrogacy Scoop. We’re here to guide you through every step of your surrogacy journey.
Commenti